Couples Therapy
Sponsored by the Center for Adlerian Practice & Scholarship
17 North Dearborn Street
Chicago, Illinois 60602
Phone: 312-662-4000
Fax: 312-662-4099
adleriancenter@adler.edu
© 2023
Dr. Carlson talks about Adler’s view on relationships. Adler gave many different definitions of a good relationship- one being that we need to have a good relationship with those who are sick in the world, and if you don’t, then you aren’t a very helpful person. Adler was a very helpful person and wanted others to be as well. Dr. Carlson is able to speak as to the different concepts and theories that counselors are able to use in practice based upon the ideas of Adler. He speaks to a group of individuals who are able to ask questions and participate in the overall discussion about the relationships.
Reflecting "As If": An Integrative Process in Couples Counseling
Using family-of-origin recollections in Pre-marital and Marriage Counseling
How I Remember My Family: A Premarital/Marriage Counseling Questionnaire
Dear Drs. Adler and Dreikurs,
I'm currently working with couples in therapy. While the details of their presenting problems vary, all of the couples have expressed a sense of discouragement and disconnection. Do you have any suggestions for how to encourage couples to reconnect on an intimate and emotional level?
Answer:
Researchers indicate that couples need a ratio of four positive interactions to one negative in terms of communications. Some couples approach this with the "Golden Rule" that is practiced by most religions. This rule states that it is important to love or treat people the way we want to be treated. However, this doesn’t necessarily lead to meaningful positive interactions within the couple dyad.
Adlerian therapists have been well-trained in the power of encouragement with couples and they understand why the "Golden Rule” doesn’t work. Adlerians practice the “Platinum Rule” which can be very different; it is to treat your partner the way they way want to be treated not the way you want to be treated. Too many partners waste energy giving their partners what they want and wonder why it doesn’t produce positive results. You may love surprises but your partner is put off by them, or they might like to be waited on and served and yet you value self-sufficiency and taking care of yourself etc. In therapy you can help the couple see that many partners are disconnected and discouraged not because their partner doesn’t love them or care for them, but rather their partner is doing it in the wrong way.
Jane Griffith's Addition:
To encourage couples, remind the couple what brought them together in the first place by asking each member of the couple for the ER of their first meeting. Ask how this person stood out, was different from others they'd met. Ask the other member to listen to the recitation without interrupting. (Don't be surprised if they recount different incidents.)
Purpose: The first ER reveals the basic (unspoken) agreement or “contract” between them: for example, she's to be fun, light, entertaining; he's to be serious, solid, someone to be counted on. Eliciting the first ER of the relationship reminds them why they got together in the first place and the expectations each set for the other at that time. Then comes a disruption (presence of a child? lust affair? job loss? etc., etc.), the original “contract”/expectations break down, and the couple is adrift.
If the couple is in earnest about staying together, the reminder of the first ER is encouraging in itself -- usually bringing relief and laughter into the session. More important, the couple can see clearly that the old (hidden) “contract”/expectations are no longer relevant, and that they have to create/formulate a new "contract" more suitable to their present situation in life.
-Jane Griffith
Dear Drs. Adler and Dreikurs,
With Valentines Day approaching, I've been thinking more about love and relationships. What do you see as the most important ingredient of a lasting relationship?
Answer:
Did you know that Valentines Day is the loneliest day of the year? When you don’t receive a Valentine it highlights your loneliness. It is also the day that most people who are having affairs get caught as they are forced to give both partner prime time!
Anyway, to answer your question, it is probably persistence or commitment for a strictly “lasting” relationship. However, the most important ingredient for having a lasting and satisfying relationship is “giving”. Love is the wish to make another happy. Focus on being a good partner not on pointing out your partner’s failings and shortcomings. You will be surprised when you again learn that, “It is through giving we receive!
Adlerians by nature are optimistic and encouraging. We focus on strengths and building on what is positive. We do this without expecting anything in return. This is one important facet of social interest.
An instrument designed to be used in marriage counseling based on a lifestyle approach to therapy. The document attached contains a detailed description of the instrument.
Dr. Gerald J. Mozdzierz presents on diagnosis in marital therapy. The presentation includes a discussion of the need for diagnosis in couples therapy and its practical applications. He then presents several diagnostic classification systems in couples' therapy.
In part two, Dr. Mozdzierz presents additional classification systems in couples therapy. Some examples include, diagnosis according to John Gottman's (1992) Cascade model, the classical system described by Jackson (1968), personality types according to Berman and Lief (1957), and diagnosis according to level of intimacy. Next, Dr. Mozdzier describes couples' diagnosis according to Adlerian lifestyle themes. Finally, a discussion of the role of a supervisor is presented.
Video Length: 1:13:31
Dr. Gerald J. Mozdzierz presents on diagnosis in marital therapy. The presentation includes a discussion of several diagnostic classification systems in couples' therapy. Some examples include, diagnosis according to John Gottman's (1992) Cascade model, the classical system described by Jackson (1968), personality types according to Berman and Lief (1957), and diagnosis according to level of intimacy. Next, Dr. Mozdzier describes couples' diagnosis according to Adlerian lifestyle themes. Finally, a discussion of the role of a supervisor is presented.
Video Length: 1:00:10
Dr. Gerald J. Mozdzierz presents on diagnosis in marital therapy.
Part 01 includes a discussion of the need for diagnosis in couples therapy and its practical applications. He then presents several diagnostic classification systems in couples' therapy.
In part two, Dr. Mozdzierz presents additional classification systems in couples therapy. Some examples include, diagnosis according to John Gottman's (1992) Cascade model, the classical system described by Jackson (1968), personality types according to Berman and Lief (1957), and diagnosis according to level of intimacy. Next, Dr. Mozdzier describes couples' diagnosis according to Adlerian lifestyle themes. Finally, a discussion of the role of a supervisor is presented.
Video Length: 1:26:20
Jane Griffith, with facilitation from Dr. Jay Colker, explains and illustrates the concept of early recollections, how to draw them out in therapy, and their use in practice. Griffith and Colker discuss what the role of early recollections are in Adlerian Theory and practice. The approach, individual style or caveats, are explored with examples of true early recollections and some common themes to look for in early recollections. Griffith outlines the body of research to support the validity of early recollections, and the stable nature of the lifestyle. Length (1:02:29).
A Couple Counseling Demonstration, Uncovering Hidden Expectations video.
Robert Powers and Jane Griffith
Video Length: 1:36:19
A 0.63 second Google search for the word “coronavirus” produced about 4,130,000,000 results. In a matter of weeks, coronavirus became a household word carrying fears, anger, and resentment; triggering politics and crushing markets; sending people to stock on supplies; and unearthing old prejudices and biases. With mounting stories about quarantines and closures of schools and businesses all around the world – one topic remains neglected. This is a topic of optimal psychological survival of the epidemics for the families, beyond washing hands, wearing masks, and staying away from those who are sick. The webinar will share ideas and practical tips about optimal psychological survival for individuals, couples, and families (including healthy parenting practices) in the era of coronavirus. Presented by Marina Bluvshtein, Ph.D., Adlerian psychologist and a director of the Center for Adlerian Practice and Scholarship at Adler University, Chicago.
17 North Dearborn Street
Chicago, Illinois 60602
Phone: 312-662-4000
Fax: 312-662-4099
adleriancenter@adler.edu
© 2023